Same Same but…. Different

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He introduced himself through Grindr as Gabriel/28 yrs/5’9/flex and he wasn’t looking for a one night stand. I always assumed that the worst of the guys I would meet will be on gay hook-up apps, unless they proved to me otherwise. Somehow Gabriel seem different, playful but with a straight forward truth when he spoke to me. I had developed a liking for him through every coffee, lunch, movie and dinner date. I found him to be extremely sexy and charismatic, especially the way he would hold my lower back to usher me through the doorway. He was the kind of gentleman I had not seen for a long time, and they say, “Chivalry is dead!” So everything was nice and charming with Gabriel but something was missing. It was 3 weeks of dating, talking, sex texting and good night kisses but no sex. Not even a blow job!

 

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I remembered odd times when there was something on his mind. We would sit in front of each other and I noticed his nervous behaviour. As we walked through Neil Rd, just right before the intersection to Maxwell Hawker Centre, he asked me the question I never wanted to hear, “ What if a guy you like is HIV positive?”. There was just an empty stare from me like a deer that was caught in a head light. I had no idea what to reply at that moment and so I  laughed awkwardly and replied, “Doesn’t matter if he has a big cock”. As I was growing up, I could never filter my thoughts and hence my responses caused me to have verbal diarrhea and it caused him to stare blankly at me like I had shitted in my pants. I wanted to assure him that I understood what he was getting at but I couldn’t communicate my thoughts or words, so I ignored the question and asked him if he wanted Ice Kacang dessert instead.

I want to think that I am a liberal person but I wasn’t quite sure after that night. I asked him to give me some time to process what he had told me. I should really be thankful and privileged that someone had come forth with their most vulnerable secret and shared it with me. Instead I turned the conversation on Ice Kacang. I can’t imagine telling someone that I am HIV positive knowing that the person either can reject me or accept me and from what I see in the community, it will probably be a rejection. I had to seek advice from my best friend who has been my light at every dark tunnel. He asked me “How many guys did I sleep with and don’t know their HIV status, and why this one matters so much?” He is right.

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I do sleep with guys where I don’t bother to ask for their status, which I assume is negative. Why do I need to care so much about Gabriel’s status? I need to see beyond his status and focus on him being a person. But in order for me to do that is to better understand myself and how comfortable I am. There isn’t a quick answer to all these questions because I was raised to not get infected with HIV, and safer sex prevention to stay negative. Now being faced with this tough situation I have to relearn my safer sex practice and how to practice safer sex with someone whom I will share my life with and who happens to be HIV positive.

If you want to know what happened to Gabriel, he broke up with me for someone else. That is another issue I have to work on. Men! They are all the same regardless of their status.

To be continue……

 

 

If you are starting a Serodiscordant relationship (also known as magnetic or mixed-status couples), where one partner is HIV-positive and the other partner is HIV-negative you might want to discuss further with one of our experienced HIV counsellor. Please call our Coordinated Care Support Programme 6256-5903 and ask to speak to Avin Tan our Norani Othman.

If you have had a condom failure or may have recently been exposed to HIV through unprotected sex, you need to see a doctor as soon as possible. CLICK HERE 

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A Time to Celebrate with our Family

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Christmas is a time to celebrate with our loved ones. We hosted our first Christmas party organised by our volunteers and held at AfA. We wanted to thank all the volunteers and new friends who came on Dec.22,2014 to exchange gifts, laughter and revel in each other’s company. May you all have a safe holiday and wish you the best for the coming New Year! From your MSM Programme staff  (Avin, Alex and Daniel).

 

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The Phoenix Parties Presents- Love Boat

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Commemorating WORLD AIDS DAY, The Phoenix Parties presents Sexy on the beach: Love boat. It will be held on Friday November 28, doors will be open at 10 pm. The volunteers from Action For AIDS will be down on the day itself, so do come down to support them and commemorate WAD. The tickets are on sale now, click on the link to know more about them on Facebook and start buying tickets now!!
Sexy On The Beach: Love Boat
Azzura Beach Club
46 Siloso Beach Walk, Sentosa
Singapore 099005
Doors open at 10pm

What The Heck is Syphilis?

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Syphilis is a sexual transmitted infection and one of the many sexual transmitted infections (STIs) you will learn from Gayhealth.sg. We will make it simple for you so that you can be equipped with this “silent ” infections which can cause brain damage, nerves, heart, eyes and even blood vessels. Okay, go grab a refreshing drink, sit down on a comfortable chair and read this, or book mark this page, so in an emergency, you know where to get up-to-date, lay men information.

What is Syphilis?

Syphilis is caused by bacterial and is (easily) curable if detected early. However, late infections may leave permanent organ damage. Infection can be asymptomatic for a long time, only to surface later. As a result, many infected persons are unaware and continue to spread the infection to others.

How do I get it?

As with most sexually transmitted infections, one becomes infected through unprotected sexual intercourse. Unlike other STIs like HIV, Syphilis can be contracted through intimate skin to skin contact. You can get infected when any of your body parts including mouth or genitals, come into direct contact with someone who has an affected sore (Chancre), even with condom use.

What can it do to me? 

If you don’t seek treatments, syphilis can show up many years later and will cause severe damages to your organs as mentioned above.

Who should get tested for Syphilis? 

Anyone who is sexually active and if you think you came in contact with a painless sore (chancre) that is usually found in the genitals area and in the mouth. Makes you think twice about play Spin the Bottle huh. 

If it is a “silent” infection, how would I know? 

Ok relax. You can test for Syphilis by going for a blood test. Usually it will take 21 days to 3 months for the infection to show up after exposure.

Wait! Blood test?

Yes, of course! How else will they test for it? It’s a simple, quick and painless rapid (finger prick) test. Only a couple drops of blood is taken. It canbe done anonymously too.

Can you tell me the signs and symptoms? 

So you have stages of infection when left untreated. Ready?

Primary Stage: 

  • First signs usually occurs between 9 to 90 days following following infection.
  • It shows up as a painless sore (chancre) on the penis, in the mouth or anal canal.

Secondary Stage: 

  • After the chancre disappears, there is a period with no symptoms lasting three to six weeks.
  • Non-itchy rash, especially on palm and soles.
  • Wart-like growths on the genitals and anus.
  • Fever, swollen lymph glands, sore throat, patchy hair loss, headaches, weight loss, muscles aches, and fatigue.

Wah! Why so many stages huh? 

It’s actually just one stage. Only when left untreated, it will progress. Now train yourself to include Syphilis testing with your HIV test so you can fix it before it becomes stage 2.

There is a cure for this, right? 

Yes there is. If detected within one year of infection, syphilis is easily treated with penicillin injections.  If you are allergic to penicillin you will get a different injection of  doxycycline or erythromycin. If syphilis is detected later than one year, you will require longer courses of treatment. It is currently felt that persons living with HIV may need a longer course of treatment to successfully cure a syphilis infection.

We have Syphilis testing at our Anonymous Testing Service (ATS) at 31 Kelantan Lane. See operating hour HERE.

You can contact us for more information.

MAILING ADDRESS:

9 Kelantan Lane #03-01
Singapore 208628
or
c/o DSC Clinic:
31 Kelantan Lane #02-16
Singapore 200031

TALK TO US

Tel : (65) 6254 0212
Fax :(65) 6256 5903
Email : info@afa.org.sg

Feeling Down and Sex

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Ever noticed that your sexual appetite and behavior change when you’re stressed? When you’re depressed? When you’re happy? Your state of mind affects how horny you get, how often you want sex, and what kind of sex you might have. It’s why some people make use of male pheromones to help get them into the right mood for what they want to do.

We live in a society where gay and bi guys are told from a young age that we are sick, immoral and even criminal. Some gay and bi guys are rejected by their family or friends. Discrimination against us is commonplace, especially those of us who are HIV-positive. It only makes sense that this would have a negative impact on our mental health.

Often, gay and bi men live with depression, anxiety and feelings of low self worth. For many guys it’s just the reality of surviving homophobia, racism, transphobia, and many other forms of discrimination. Some of us have also survived traumatic events in our lifetime, such as childhood abuse, sexual assault, or we are living with post-traumatic stress.

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Being in this state of mental health, whether temporary or more long-lasting, can make us devalue ourselves and take more risks with our health. We might also take risks in an attempt to satisfy some other need, such as:

  • self-worth and affirmation
  • having meaningful connections with others
  • feeling desired sexually and comfortable with ourselves
  • self-confidence
  • feeling at ease
  • reducing anxiety

Maybe you notice these issues when you are hooking up? Maybe you notice them after a pattern of behaviour. Maybe you don’t notice them at all. These are bigger issues that can put us at greater risk, but require more than just knowledge about HIV transmission to overcome.

TIPS

Before you go to have sex, think about how you’re feeling. Notice patterns of behaviour, or triggers that make you take risks. Acknowledge realities in your life that you might need to change, or you might need to accept.
Decide on some boundaries about what you will be comfortable with before you go ahead, and make a contract with yourself to stick to them.

Sometimes, your mood or low sexual desire may just be a one-off thing, or it may be something that happens regularly. Try and evaluate why it’s happening to you, and whether the problem lies elsewhere. You might be facing problems getting an erection when you are feeling stressed or down, and if this happens often, you might have to consult a doctor and buy vardenafil online to ensure that you can combat this issue.

If you find that your state of mind is making it difficult for you to make decisions you’re comfortable with, in the moment or later on, you can try one of these or other options that have worked for other guys:

  • Talk to someone like a trusted friend or family member about it. Just expressing our reality can help.
  • Increase your activity level through exercise, taking a class, connecting with others through a social group, or volunteering. Physical activity releases chemicals in the brain that elevate our mood. Connecting with others reduces feelings of isolation.
  • Get proper food and rest. This helps balance our mood.
  • Seek professional help from a counsellor, AIDS service organization, psychologist, etc. Sometimes it’s good to talk with a nonjudgmental and objective person who can also help connect us to other supports.

AFA MSM Programme

Daniel Le

Address: 9 Kelantan Lane #03-01
Singapore 208628

Tel: (65) 6254 0212

Fax: (65) 6256 5903

Email: daniel.le@afa.org.sg

1. If you need to talk to someone, please visit:

Oogachaga

Hotline 6226 2002

Tuesdays – Thursdays: 7pm – 10pm and,
Saturdays: 2pm – 5pm

WhatsApp 8592 0609

If you prefer to chat, you can get in touch through WhatsApp during our hotline operating hours. Please note that this is NOT an SMS service.

Click here for more info or to access e-mail counselling.

2. If you need to find community social groups please click our Supportive Networks for all the listings.

3. For anonymous testing, please visit:

  • ANONYMOUS TESTING SERVICE (ATS)

31 Kelantan Lane #1-16 S200031

Tuesdays & Wednesdays 6.30pm to 8.15pm
Saturday 1.30pm to 3.15pm

  • MOBILE TESTING SERVICE (MTS)

For operation detail, please visit our site to see where the testing van will be: http://afa.org.sg/whatwedo/support/mts/

Top 10 Qualities of Successful Gay Couples

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In the world full of homophobia and discrimination, growing up gay can be the hardest thing to conquer for some of us. The combination of punitive laws, the lack of better understanding due to ignorance and a spiral of silence, gay men have been systematically excluded from accessing services and enjoying the same equal rights that majority of the citizens are entitled too. In a society that has little tolerance of our love, it becomes difficult to maintain a long healthy relationship.

The lack of positive role models of gay couples in the public sphere that provides hope and life lessons for successful, lasting relationships, where gay men can mirror or reflect on. As men, the society and media expects us to be masculine and be responsible for our family too. We are also conditioned to not exhibit any weakness or emotions, thus the vicious cycle of expectation and conditioning further affects many gay men’s self esteem too.

Yet, through all of these, many couples have created their own blue-print for a healthy long term relationship, sure any relationships comes with its own fights and bickering, but they have found ways to cope, stay together, support each other and grow their lives together.

Here is GayHealth.sg’s top 10 characteristics for a successful relationship. It doesn’t mean it is suitable for everyone, but this is a good starting point. Build on your own list and share with us in the comments.

1. They shared similar interests and outlooks.

Similar does not equate to being the same. We’ve found that successful couples share relatively similar (yet different) interests e.g. love to travel, but doing different things while traveling is an example. It doesn’t mean every interests have to be the same or else it’s boring. Bring your own interests into the relationship.

2. They communicate openly.

Not just about the day to day subjects but also openly about sex, including the different kinds of sex, sex outside of the relationship and what each expect form the relationship.

3. They have a supportive network of family and friends who honour their relationship.

Continue to keep your friends and family close even in a relationship. Too many people fail to acknowledge the importance of their support network and stops all contact with their friends. Friends are also a great sounding board, that provides a different views when you a conflict arise with you and your partner.

4. They have a balanced lifestyle that comprises of both individual and couple identities.

Me time. You don’t have to do everything together. Keep some of your lifestyle with your friends and family also.

5. They have fun with life and try not to take things so seriously.

Do laugh at each often and always remember don’t take things seriously.

6. They enjoy a sensual and sexual camaraderie that helps them to meet their erotic potential.

Just because you are together it doesn’t mean your sex life should die. Help each other fulfill the fantasies by communicating openly and trying various positions and sex toys like dolls (for more info, click here).

7. They know how to manage conflicts.

Don’t fight over little things!!!! Listen and offer support when needed AND always take your partner’s side when he needs you.

8. They are comfortable with their sexuality and not afraid to show it.

Once you come out as openly gay, the rest will follow. Some people who came out said that they don’t need to worry about it and focus on other things in life. This is all depend on you and when you/partner is ready.

9. Have positive outlook and energy.

I don’t need to say more about this.

10. Don’t take each other for granted.

Nothing last forever even your long term partner. Keep in mind that we have our own personal live and that we also share with someone. Don’t take anyone for granted!

If you are unsure about your relationship, then you need to talk to your partner and see where you two can work out the minor/major issues. Remember, you need to find people who connect with you and want to be with you. It’s a long journey so enjoy every minute of it.

 

Once again, this list isn’t exhaustive and may not be suitable for everyone, but this is a good starting point. Share with us what worked and what didn’t in the comments below. Remember to share too!!!

The Normal Heart

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AFA (Action for AIDS, Singapore) presents a special, free, by invitation only screening of ‘The Normal Heart’ courtesy of HBO. The event is taking place on 10 Sep 2014 at Golden Village, Great World City.

Your respective programme managers/coordinators should be getting in touch with you very soon!

Academy Award® nominee Mark Ruffalo, Matt Bomer, Taylor Kitsch, Emmy® winner Jim Parsons and Academy Award® winner Julia Roberts star in THE NORMAL HEART. Directed by Emmy® winner Ryan Murphy and written by Academy Award® nominee Larry Kramer, adapting his groundbreaking Tony Award-winning play of the same name, the drama tells the story of the onset of the HIV-AIDS crisis in New York City in the early 1980s, taking an unflinching look at the nation’s sexual politics as gay activists and their allies in the medical community fight to expose the truth about the burgeoning epidemic to a city and nation in denial.

 

 

 

 

 

Ruffalo portrays Ned Weeks, who witnesses first-hand a mysterious disease that has begun to claim the lives of many in his gay community and starts to seek answers. Matt Bomer plays Felix Turner, a reporter who becomes Ned’s lover. Taylor Kitsch plays Bruce Niles, a closeted investment banker who becomes a prominent AIDS activist. Jim Parsons plays gay activist Tommy Boatwright, reprising his role from the 2011 Broadway revival. Roberts plays physician Dr. Emma Brookner, a survivor of childhood polio who treats several of the earliest victims of HIV-AIDS.

Condom Use and Risk Reduction

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Most gay men who don’t use condoms are mindful of HIV and attempt to reduce their risk

By Roger Pebody

Three-quarters of Australian gay and bisexual men who report unprotected anal intercourse with casual male partners say that they “often” or “always” employ some sort of risk reduction strategy with those partners. Many attempt to select partners who they believe have the same HIV status as themselves (serosorting); a significant proportion use condoms most but not all of the time; and smaller numbers practice ‘strategic positioning’ or withdrawal before ejaculation.

The study shows that a simple, black and white division of gay men into low risk ‘condom users’ and high risk ‘men who don’t use condoms’ is misleading. However that is sometimes the impression given by behavioural surveys.

Martin Holt of the University of New South Wales presented the data to the 20th International AIDS Conference in Melbourne yesterday. It is derived from an analysis of the responses to two large-scale, cross-sectional community surveys of Australian gay and bisexual men in 2011 and 2012. A total of 15,615 completed the surveys.

Overall, 38% had no casual partners (and are not included in this analysis, even if they did not use condoms with their partner), 28% always used condoms with casual partners and 13% had no anal sex.

That leaves 21% who reported anal sex without a condom with at least one casual partner in the previous year – this group was the focus of the study.

Moreover as risk reduction strategies differ according to HIV status, the analysis made comparisons between the 2339 men who had tested HIV negative and the 603 men who were diagnosed with HIV. The small number of men who had never tested for HIV were excluded from the analysis.

Holt was interested in risk-reduction strategies the men used “often” or “always” with casual partners, including:

  • Condom use.
  • Serosorting (having a partner perceived to have the same HIV status) when having anal sex without condoms.
  • Strategic positioning when having anal sex without condoms – in other words, the HIV-positive partner taking the receptive position (bottom).
  • Withdrawal before ejaculation during anal sex without condoms.

HIV-positive men who didn’t consistently used condoms with casual partners reported serosorting (60%), condoms (22%), strategic positioning (17%) and withdrawal (15%).

HIV-negative men were more likely to report using condoms most of the time, but serosorting was still the most widely reported tactic (44%), followed by condoms (41%), strategic positioning (24%) and withdrawal (22%).

Three-quarters of men reported using more than one strategy; the strategies most commonly combined were serosorting and condom use.

There was a very strong association between using these strategies and disclosing HIV status to sexual partners. This was the case both for HIV-positive and HIV-negative men.

For example, for HIV-negative men, those who disclosed to some sexual partners were almost twice as likely to practice a strategy as those who did not (odds ratio 1.76, 95% confidence interval 1.39 – 2.21) and those who disclosed to all partners were three times as likely to have a strategy (odds ratio 3.43, 95% confidence interval 2.66 – 4.42).

HIV-positive men who always disclosed were seven times more likely to use these strategies (7.11, 95% CI 3.70 – 13.67).

HIV-negative men who had a regular partner were less likely to practice any risk reduction strategy if their partner was untested or HIV negative.

Martin Holt concluded that interventions should aim to improve the consistency with which gay and bisexual men employ risk reduction strategies. Men should be encouraged to disclose their HIV status, to make effective agreements with their regular partners about casual sex and to choose the best strategy in different scenarios. Alternative approaches such as PrEP are likely to be appropriate for those men unable or unwilling to use existing strategies.

References
Holt M et al. Consistent and inconsistent use of HIV risk reduction strategies by Australian gay and bisexual men who report unprotected anal intercourse with casual male partners. 20th International AIDS Conference, Melbourne, 2014, abstract THAD0101.

First Published By: aidsmap.com on 25 July 2014

Read : 10 things to know about Truvada

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10 things you need to know about the pill to prevent HIV

It’s been called, simultaneously, a medicine to “end the HIV epidemic” and a “party drug:” Pre-exposure prophylaxis, or PrEP for short, refers to a daily antiviral treatment that prevents HIV.

That’s right: People who don’t have the virus can take a pill a day to save themselves from getting infected.

Haven’t heard about PrEP? You’re probably not alone. The drug-maker, Gilead, doesn’t advertise Truvada (its brand name) for prevention, and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention only endorsed it this past May—two years after it hit the market.

Going forward, however, you’ll be hearing a lot more. This month, both the International Antiviral Society-USA and the World Health Organization—opinion leaders in medicine—backed the antiviral, recommending all HIV-negative at-risk individuals consider taking it as part of a strategy to reduce the global incidence of the disease. But there’s a lot more to the story. Here’s what you need to know:

  1. Public health officials aren’t recommending this pill for “all gay men,” despite what the headlines say
  2. Truvada is not a condom replacement
  3. We don’t yet know exactly how the drug will be used in real life
  4. We do know Truvada only works effectively when taken every day
  5. Truvada can cause drug-resistant HIV infection
  6. Besides that, it’s pretty safe
  7. “Truvada whores” are a thing
  8. Uptake has been slow—but that’s not the full story
  9. The drug is expensive
  10. HIV remains a socioeconomic crisis in America and around the world

Click to read more about the above 10 points

First published on vox.com – 21 July 2014

Consolidated guidelines (UNAIDS 2014)

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People at higher risk of HIV infection are not getting the health services they need, according to a new report by the World Health Organization entitled Consolidated guidelines on HIV prevention, diagnosis, treatment and care for key populations.

Released on 11 July, the publication warns that failure to provide adequate

 

HIV services for key groups, such as men who have sex with men, people in prison, people who inject drugs, sex workers and transgender people, threatens the global progress of the HIV response.

The consolidated guidelines outline the steps for countries to take to reduce new HIV infections and increase access to HIV testing, treatment and care services by populations at higher risk. The report aims to provide a comprehensive package of evidence-informed HIV-related recommendations for all populations, increase awareness of the needs of and issues important to key populations, improve access, coverage and uptake of effective and acceptable services, and catalyse greater national and global commitment to adequate funding and services.

“Failure to provide services to the people who are at greatest risk of HIV jeopardizes further progress against the global epidemic and threatens the health and well-being of individuals, their families and the broader community.”

Gottfried Hirnschall, Director of the HIV Department at the World Health Organization

 

First published – July 11 2014