Single and Loving It!

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When we were young, we had many dreams; some aspired to grow up to become that idolized proud gay man we knew as a child or be that high-flier complete with a big house and fancy cars to boot. But the ultimate dream is to have that special someone to share a life with…our very own happy ever after.

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As age and wisdom gets the better of us, we soon come to realise that dreams rarely pan out the way we planned them. Difficult choices had to be made at times and dreams get dropped along the way as reality bites. Yet despite so many milestones achieved, one box remains elusive and at times, challenging.

Where is that life partner we are promised, where is the man of my dreams?

As we look around us and see many other gay men in a happy relationship with their partners (or in some cases, partners) the question of companionship or the lack of it will starts rearing its ugly head…

“Why are they so lucky, where do I start searching?”

What is it about being a relationship that makes many gay men yearns for it? Why are we so afraid to be alone? Undeniably there are benefits of being single and you really are never alone even when you think you are. Nonetheless here is a good read for the singles out there who thinks that they need to be in a relationship to be happy.

Yes, having a life partner could be the greatest thing to ever happen to anyone but for some that could also mean constantly questioning the validity of their relationship. Some might start to explore options like watching PORNSTAR MOVIES and various other ways to spice up a ‘stale’ relationship. The constant demands to keep the relationship going may remind some of us the many benefits of being single and the list includes:

  1. Spend more time at the gym to look good to attract potential lovers.
  2. Have your own money to spend on whatever you desired.
  3. Have more time to achieve your career and education.
  4. Doing less housework because you are the only person in your place, or only have one place to manage.
  5. The freedom to date whomever you want and go on as many dates as possible.
  6. Have better sleep and with more space on the bed to sleep how you want.
  7. Single people are generally more social than married people.
  8. Single people have less stress during vacations versus travelling when married.
  9. Single have the option to have more alone time if they are tired versus being married.

There are many good points that most people can agree with (while some don’t) yet it is an undeniable fact that a relationship is not always a ‘happily ever after’ and may on the contrary be a ‘work in progress’. Relationship comes in many different types and it depends on you to define it and it is constant hard work to maintain one. A good friend once shared “relationship is like a job; you must start at the entry level and work your way to a career…” a fact we wholeheartedly agreed with.

A relationship is also not a stage in life for you to explore your belief systems and values or your ‘self-ness’ of what makes you essentially you. So don’t dive into one the next time you meet someone on Grindr or at a sauna just because you see others in a relationship. It is not a fashion statement you’re making or a trend to follow. Use this period of singlehood to learn more about yourself and enjoy life and the benefits it brings along. If some special were to come along, he is yours to keep. Most importantly as a single healthy gay man who is enjoying the buffet table of available partners, a regular testing regime is a must. Test every 6 months for any sexually transmitted infections especially Syphilis. And always use a condom.

 

Top 10 Qualities of Successful Gay Couples

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In the world full of homophobia and discrimination, growing up gay can be the hardest thing to conquer for some of us. The combination of punitive laws, the lack of better understanding due to ignorance and a spiral of silence, gay men have been systematically excluded from accessing services and enjoying the same equal rights that majority of the citizens are entitled too. In a society that has little tolerance of our love, it becomes difficult to maintain a long healthy relationship.

The lack of positive role models of gay couples in the public sphere that provides hope and life lessons for successful, lasting relationships, where gay men can mirror or reflect on. As men, the society and media expects us to be masculine and be responsible for our family too. We are also conditioned to not exhibit any weakness or emotions, thus the vicious cycle of expectation and conditioning further affects many gay men’s self esteem too.

Yet, through all of these, many couples have created their own blue-print for a healthy long term relationship, sure any relationships comes with its own fights and bickering, but they have found ways to cope, stay together, support each other and grow their lives together.

Here is GayHealth.sg’s top 10 characteristics for a successful relationship. It doesn’t mean it is suitable for everyone, but this is a good starting point. Build on your own list and share with us in the comments.

1. They shared similar interests and outlooks.

Similar does not equate to being the same. We’ve found that successful couples share relatively similar (yet different) interests e.g. love to travel, but doing different things while traveling is an example. It doesn’t mean every interests have to be the same or else it’s boring. Bring your own interests into the relationship.

2. They communicate openly.

Not just about the day to day subjects but also openly about sex, including the different kinds of sex, sex outside of the relationship and what each expect form the relationship.

3. They have a supportive network of family and friends who honour their relationship.

Continue to keep your friends and family close even in a relationship. Too many people fail to acknowledge the importance of their support network and stops all contact with their friends. Friends are also a great sounding board, that provides a different views when you a conflict arise with you and your partner.

4. They have a balanced lifestyle that comprises of both individual and couple identities.

Me time. You don’t have to do everything together. Keep some of your lifestyle with your friends and family also.

5. They have fun with life and try not to take things so seriously.

Do laugh at each often and always remember don’t take things seriously.

6. They enjoy a sensual and sexual camaraderie that helps them to meet their erotic potential.

Just because you are together it doesn’t mean your sex life should die. Help each other fulfill the fantasies by communicating openly and trying various positions and sex toys like dolls (for more info, click here).

7. They know how to manage conflicts.

Don’t fight over little things!!!! Listen and offer support when needed AND always take your partner’s side when he needs you.

8. They are comfortable with their sexuality and not afraid to show it.

Once you come out as openly gay, the rest will follow. Some people who came out said that they don’t need to worry about it and focus on other things in life. This is all depend on you and when you/partner is ready.

9. Have positive outlook and energy.

I don’t need to say more about this.

10. Don’t take each other for granted.

Nothing last forever even your long term partner. Keep in mind that we have our own personal live and that we also share with someone. Don’t take anyone for granted!

If you are unsure about your relationship, then you need to talk to your partner and see where you two can work out the minor/major issues. Remember, you need to find people who connect with you and want to be with you. It’s a long journey so enjoy every minute of it.

 

Once again, this list isn’t exhaustive and may not be suitable for everyone, but this is a good starting point. Share with us what worked and what didn’t in the comments below. Remember to share too!!!

Oogachaga – Open Door 2014

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Oogachaga is back with Open Door on Fridays!

Starting in August 2014, we will again be offering a series of informative sharing sessions, open to men who identify as gay, bisexual, questioning, queer or even straight! You may sign up for a single session, for all 4 sessions under each of the 3 themes, or all 12 sessions. Or whatever combination you feel like!

Donations & food contributions are most welcome, as no fees will be charged, and light refreshments will be provided.

Time: Fridays, 7.30pm – 9.30pm

Address: Oogachaga Centre, 57B Pagoda Street, Singapore 059216

Directions: The Centre is on the 3rd/ 4th floor of a shophouse on Pagoda Street, above Chinatown MRT station exit A, directly facing the Tin Tin Shop. Click for our centre’s location.

 

For more information please click here:  Open Door 2014

ABOUT CHECK-OUT: THE RACE 2!

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SGRainbow and Young OUT Here, will be organizing an amazing race, Check-OUT: The Race 2, as part of IndigNation 2014.

The objectives of the race are as follows:

  1. Develop and bolster participants’ individual identity and self esteem as LGBTQ youths.
  2. Strengthen friendships within participants and provide platform for participants to forge new ones.
  3. Increase participants’ understanding of the various LGBTQ organisations and their roles in the community

The race will see groups of participants going around Singapore to various LGBTQ places completing missions.

This race is open to ALL and participants will have to form groups of 3 to 4 members.

On top of all the fun, participants will each get a goodie bag worth $100! Winners of this race will also stand a chance to win cash and prizes worth up to $1,000.

Details of the race
Date: 30 August 2014
Time: 0930hrs to 1800hrs (Flag off at 1000hrs)
Registration fee: $10 per person

For enquiries about this race, please contact the organisers at contact@checkoutrace.tk

Places are limited, so hurry!

Please check out the link: ABOUT CHECK-OUT: THE RACE 2!

 

Relationship Series #4

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“My Heart Will Go On” – Coping with breakups and separation

 

It is never easy for anyone who is going through a breakup when the separating decision was not theirs to make. No one said that breaking up is easy especially when you are on the receiving end. How do we tell ourselves that life will go on when we are lost and alone? This workshop will help us understand the coping mechanisms that we all have deep down inside. How can we train ourselves to understand the signs so that we can be more aware of our peers when they are facing similar situations? All new beginning will start somewhere, but we all must find our paths to recovery and carry on. [/av_one_half]

When: Saturday Oct. 25

Where: AFA office 9 Kelantan Lane #05-01 S208628

Time: 6pm-9pm

Light refreshment will be provided

Please register as soon as you can due to limited space. Thanks. 

Your all time break up songs.

 

Registration for Relationship Workshop 4

3 + 3 = ?

Relationship Series #1 (Updated)

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He loves me, he loves me not – The dos and don’ts of dating

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Showered check, new tighty whitie check, spray on new cologne check, wallet, phone, mints, condom and lube check, check, and check. Dating can be less scary and nerve wrecking if you are the experienced kind, but for the newbies, we tend to ask ourselves too many questions, “what happened, will he call, he is not texting me back, why why why?” The worst is “Oh shoot I didn’t use the condom” and lucky enough most of us don’t have to worry about this part of dating or do we? This is a good time to learn and explore from each other about the dos and don’ts of dating and also how to give and handle rejection in a classy way. After all, we are classy!

When: Saturday Aug. 23 (Completed)

Where: AFA office 9 Kelantan Lane #05-01 S208628

Time: 6pm-9pm

Light refreshment will be provided

Please register as soon as you can due to limited space. Thanks. 

Here are the photos during our Relationship Series #1 ( Do’s and Don’ts)

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What is your single song?

Registration for Relationship Workshop 1

2 + 5 = ?

Relationship Series #2 ( Completed)

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1 Ship, 2 ships, 3relationship – Open relationship

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My 3some confession:

 

In my early 20 something I thought life was going well for me, my body was taking form, my college year was almost done and as an openly gay man, I thought I had it all. I would frequent the bars and clubs on a weekly basis looking for relationship where it would often end up with just random hook ups.

I would regularly have one night stands without any commitments for a relationship, until one day they came along. This couple in their early 30’s spoke to me in a club and later brought me back to their place for drinks and of course sex. I stayed till the next day and realized that I was sleeping in between them with their arms wrapped mine. When I woke up one of the guy rolled over to hug me and gently kissed me on my cheek which we end up having sex again.

We got up to shower together, ate breakfast together and went for coffee together. I ended up hanging out with them the whole Sunday and stayed over for dinner. As I left the house, I felt warm, “love” and excitement filled with anticipation of meeting them again.  For five months I was with them every weekend as if they were my part time boyfriends and then something happened.  I wasn’t being included anymore with their plans or being asked to visit them at their place.

The communication went quiet and I felt as the world had stopped. I wanted answers but being young then I blamed myself for not being good enough. It took me a long time to understand the complexity of an open relationship. What two people in the relationship discussed about and what was negotiated and sometime it doesn’t include you in the conversation can be frustrating and upsetting.

I have learnt now that it is much more complicated for any couple who are in a long term relationship where sex seems to slowly diminish. I too understand the situation of that couple I met in the earlier part of my life because I am also in that situation now.

In my long term relationship, I’ve been wondering what makes my relationship last this long and what makes me want to go further?  There are many things to learn on how to maintain or keep a long term relationship but it was not taught to me so I would have to learn it as it happened.  I can tell you now that  7 years there are questions that was easily can be answered alone and some still need both of us to answers together.

There are so many questions that a couple or individuals would ask when they’re in a long term relationship. Relationship is not always about sex, but the journey both take together and that could include sex. We will constantly challenge each other but if your relationship is worth keeping then the journey will be fun and fulfilling.

We often see many couples who are happy with their relationships and lasting for a very long time. How do they maintain this type of relationship especially when most of the guys you know can’t even hold down a relationship? What is the secret if there is any for us to learn and explore. Relationship is one of the hardest things in life because you are sharing your life with by compromising your freedom to be with that person. How communication plays out between the two people to navigate around HIV/STIs is also a very important matter.

This workshop is for people who are interested in discussing and exploring what a healthy relationship looks like through different exercises by practicing communication skills whether it is a monogamous or polygamous relationship.

 

When: Saturday Sept 20
Where: AFA office 9 Kelantan Lane #05-01 S208628

Time: 6pm-9pm Light refreshment will be provided

Please register as soon as you can due to limited space. Thanks. 

 

 

Registration for Relationship Workshop 2

1 + 1 = ?

Relationship Series #3

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He’s not my daddy, He’s not son – Intergenerational Relationship

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When we see a couple who doesn’t fit into our “normal” standard of a couple, we seem to questions about their power dynamic and how often the younger men are being taking advantage of by the more matured men.  Some men do seek out other that are not the same age as them for many reasons i.e. financial assistance, companionship, knowledge and advice on life/career, etc.  Whatever the age gap, there needs to be a discussion about age of consent, sexual dynamic when negotiating safer sex for both men and proving the validity of the relationship itself.

 

When: Saturday Oct.11

Where: AFA office 9 Kelantan Lane #05-01 S208628

Time: 6pm-9pm

Light refreshment will be provided

Please register as soon as you can due to limited space. Thanks. 

 

 

Registration for Relationship Workshop 3

5 + 0 = ?

Fly Love Yourself

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Sebastian Castro, star of the phenomenal YouTube hit “Bubble,” talks about HIV in our new chic and cheeky instructional video entitled,”

Fly Love Yourself: How to Enjoy Sex and Avoid HIV.“

What really is HIV? 
How can one stay healthy and HIV-free, 
while living a smart and scrumptious sexy life? 

This video departs from the clinical approach of talking about the basics of HIV/AIDS. Instead, similar to an airline’s in-flight safety video,  Sebastian encourages men to “dare” to fly, shows them how to take “care” of themselves during flight, and encourages them to “share” the video with others.

Source: Loveyourself.inc

 

 

Element Magazine Relaunch

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Element Magazine has been described as the first alternative high-fashion and lifestyle men’s journal with featured stories connected to the Asian LGBTQI community in particular, and it is launched and based in Singapore. The magazine was established by Noel Ng and Hiro Mizuhara in March 2013. The decision to launch the magazine on digital platforms enabled the publishers to side-step Singapore’s regulation of print media and meant it had no need to obtain a media license. It uses an Internet host  server in the United States.  Normative and positive depictions of gay people in mainstream media are currently banned in Singapore by the Media Development Authority (MDA). The magazine boasts an average digital circulation of more than 15,000 since its launch. It is also the organizer of Asia Pink Awards, a regional Awards event that celebrates those campaigning for LGBTQI acceptance in Asia.

 

The new design of Element magazine will be relaunch August 2014.  Visit http://www.elementmag.asia/