Tens of thousands marched in the capital city of Taipei, to mark the country’s 13th annual Taiwan LGBT Pride.Nearly 80,000 supporters waved flags and placards, including some calling for marriage equality in downtown Taipei.
In commemoration of Youth Day, 9 LGBTQ youth groups in Singapore have come together to pen this Youth Day message to LGBTQ youths in Singapore. Happy Youth Day and let’s work towards a more inclusive Singapore!
Here’s a post from a dear friend, who’s a straight ally.
Here’s my mum’s post.
Before interning at gayhealth.sg, I was predominantly surrounded by your typical, straight male friends, i.e those who are not too comfortable with the idea of being gay. My only experience with someone who identified as gay was during Junior College and under the influence of alcohol, I almost kissed him at Zouk. You can tell by now that my exposure to the gay community is minimal.
However, I have not shut myself out from the LGBTI community and secretly take pride in the beauty of the vast diversity of people, and this article is a light-hearted and comical perspective about gay men.
Read on and tell me what you think in the comments section below!! Feel free to add on to this list of myths if you can.
First year major in NUS, I am straight but not narrow. Love frisbee, and climbing mountain.
You could say that some gay men have sex with multiple partners. However, it’s also true that straight people are also sexually driven and engage with multiple sex partners. Men in general just love sex!
There are a few who have mannerisms and characteristics that are effeminate. On the contrary, there are the brave, introverted or manly gay men out there who don’t fit into this stereotype. I guess we all have our own mannerisms that differentiate us as individuals. So what if a guy is sensitive, and is in touch with his emotions? You have to acknowledge that it takes courage to do that.
I guess there is a certain amount of truth with this one. Since there are no other agenda(s) than to be friends, they can both be straightforward and open with each other. Maybe this is why some women are really close to gay men. Boys, here’s something we can all learn from our gay brothers. Show some respect to our lady friends.
Contrary to popular belief, gay men don’t just hit on anyone out there. Everyone has their preferred someone that they’d like to be with. Besides, if a gay man hits on you, take it as a vote of confidence. It’s a little strange at first, but once you look past the fact that straight or gay, we’ve evolved biologically to look for a mate. The next time a gay man hits on you, remember that you’ve fulfilled the primal instincts and needs of what a good mate should have. It’s a good sign mate.
It’s the culture, and attitudes of the society at large, that (for the lack of a better word) forces or shapes the way the community functions. The gay community have had to come together to seek solace and support in this hetero-normative society. Yet, we also know that many gay individuals are not open or comfortable with letting other people know of their sexual orientation. This is due to the high levels of stigma and discrimination dealt towards persons who are queer gender; which in turns causes a high levels of physical and mental stress amongst gay men.
Therefore, it is a myth that all gay men know each other. Thankfully, events like Pink Dot allow the LGBTQ community to come together to meet other people, celebrate their love and feel comfortable and proud about who they are.
Gay men like Neil Patrick Harris or Jessie Tyler Ferguson from the famous sitcom, Modern Family, often give the impression of gay men to be fancy and rich people. People in same sex relationship normally spend lesser when compared to their straight peers in the same life stage, since their focus isn’t on getting a place , expensive marriages or raising children. . That being said, everyone still has their own expenses and not everyone has that dream job to support their expenses.
This is still quite a homogenous society when it comes to income and expenditure, and thus we’re all pretty much the same. In fact gay men have to work harder everywhere you look, we’re at a disadvantage, when there are no clear policies to protect discrimination against LGBTQ individuals.
This is by far the most common misunderstanding of how same sex relationships work amongst straight people. The fact that one person in the relationship acts as the opposite gender while the other remains as the represented gender. It’s like asking which chopstick goes on the left and which one on the right.
Even when hetero-normative relationships are of concern, girls don’t always just do the chores and guys don’t always just go out to work. Gender roles are after all a construct of the society. There is no difference between gay relationships and normal relationships. The love a couple shares is the same for gay and straight relationships.
Being gay is not a switch one turns on halfway through life. For me, I believe that it is by nature that they live their lives the way they do. Most of my gay friends grow up in families that preach about straight values and it just does not make sense that being gay for them is by nurture. Even famous singer – songwriter, Adam Levine, said, “I can single-handedly dispel any ideas that homosexuality is acquired. Trust me, you’re born with it. My brother is gay, and we knew it when he was two.”
After all, there is a study in Psychological Medicine magazine called, “Genome-wide scan demonstrates significant linkage for male sexual orientation.” It proves that a male’s sexual orientation is linked to his genes, something we can’t prevent – a result of nature.
LET’S DISCUSS THESE VIEWS!!! CHALLENGE WHAT OTHERS THINK. SHARE WITH US YOUR OWN THOUGHT TOO!
Author’s comment:
My experience with gay guys in my junior college days taught me little. To my recollection, that was my closest and embarrassingly, only encounter with a someone gay. Now that I am here interning, my exposure to the gay community in Singapore has increased tremendously. I can even feel my ‘gaydar’ getting stronger from the ‘training’ I receive during my stint at Pink Carpet Network. I have come to realise that they are no different from us, and see them as individuals, both unique and interesting in their own way. I feel that I can start sharing with my friends and people around me about this beauty. The beauty of being unique and being who we are as individuals.
Are you matriculating at NUS or NTU and identify as LGBTQIA+ or as an ally? Join us on 15 Aug (Sat) at Qrientation, the only queer-inclusive orientation event for incoming university students!
Hear from your seniors about campus life and culture, find out about LGBTQIA+ support resources both on- and off-campus, expand your social network and make some new friends at the event.
Organised by The G Spot (Yale-NUS College), Gender Collective (University Scholars Program, NUS), tFreedom (Tembusu College, NUS) and NTU Kaleidoscope (an unofficial group from NTU) as part of Inter-University LGBT Network, Singapore, this event is open to all LGBTQIA+ first-years and allies matriculating at National University of Singapore (NUS), Yale-NUS College and Nanyang Technological University (NTU) in AY2015/2016.
Qrientation@NUS
Qrientation@NTU
The event venue will be released only to registered participants upon confirmation. This is to protect the privacy and safety of all participants.
For more information, please contact us at reach@the-gspot.org for Qrientation@NUS and ntukaleidoscope@gmail.com for Qrientation@NTU.
[SMU Out To Care will release information regarding their group’s orientation event at a later date. Matriculating SMU students, do look out for that!]
Avin Tan, Singapore’s second person living with HIV to come out publicly, shares the community stage with his mum at Pink Dot 2015.
He shares about his fears of coming out, how his mum supported him and what he hopes the community can do to make Singapore a better place for all.
Good evening everyone !! How are you doing?
Thank you very much for attending Pink Dot 2015 !!
I’m Avin, I am a person living with HIV and I’d also like to introduce my mum, who has been a solid rock in my life, and someone I look up too all my life. She’s the gungho one.
HIV has been with us for 30 years.
Yet many are still unclear about what it is, and how it affect our lives.
I’ve been working with AfA for many years now, and after many failed attempts to get someone to come out and to accept interviews or share their experience at conferences, I came to the conclusion, that if I cannot convince myself to do so, how can I ask others to do it.
And so, I made the decision to come out publicly in 2012.
My biggest fear when I was preparing to come out, was that I will lose all my friends, lose my fair chance at work, and lose the love from my family.
The dread and anxiety was crippling.
And I’m sure this same fear continue to plague many others who are coming out, not necessarily as a person living with HIV, but for many, as a LGBTI person.
Yet I’ve been welcomed, supported and loved.
When I first told my mum, her first question wasn’t how or why I got it, but if I can afford the medication. My health mattered more than anything else.
When she said that, a huge weight was lifted.
My mum have showed me her unconditional love and support, and for that I would like to thank her. Thank you Mummy, I love you. With my mom’s blessing,
I no longer need to hide behind a facade. This is incredibly liberating. I am now able to speak openly about it, and share my experience, with others and helping them cope with the disease.
This is what support from one person can do. Now, imagine the kind of things, 20,000 people can achieve. It is because of this support from friends and family, that I can stand here, and speak, and be counted as one.
We’ve lost too many people to HIV and AIDS, such as Mr. Paddy Chew, and countless nameless individuals who might be too afraid to come out. We’ve remained quiet for too long now. We need to show persons living with HIV and AIDS that we care about them. That we care about HIV and AIDS, and we care about making a difference.
So can I hear some noise Pink Dot 2015??
All twenty thousand of you, make some noise.
This is Pink Dot, this is 2015, and this is where love lives.
So let make Singapore a better place for all.
Here’s a huge thank you to everyone of you, all the volunteers, kind sponsors and the organising committee.
I hope you’ll continue to stand by us.
Thank you, my mum and have a great evening !
Avin is a person living with HIV (PLHIV), and has been working with AFA to raise the awareness of HIV/AIDS in Singapore. Following Mr. Paddy Chew, he is the second Singaporean living with HIV who has come out publicly.
Songkran starts this weekend and many of us will be travelling up to Bangkok for this wonderful and fun festival. Here are some tips we gathered from seasoned travellers. If you have any tips, add them to the comment section !
It’s going to be HOT. Make sure you apply sunscreen on all the exposed area to prevent from getting burned especially if you are going to a pool party. Carry it with you and re-apply as often as required. Sunscreens are very common and can be found in many pharmacies located on every corner of Bangkok. Remember: you only want to get wet, not sun-burned.
Flip flops are highly recommended, but make sure they are not slippery on wet grounds. Make sure to pack an extra pair of shoes if you plan to head to club. However, bring shoes you do not mind getting soiled. You will definitely get wet the moment you step out of your hotel. So be mentally prepared. It may be easier to go topless or wear a singlet. If you do, be proud of your own body, and have fun.
Song Kran is all about having fun and meeting new people. You wouldn’t want to worry about losing your items. Most clubs, circuit parties and pool parties will have a coat check where you can leave your bags. Use a back pack when in crowded places, and carry it in front where you can see it at all times.
Carrying light, only bring the important items, such as wallets, handphone, condoms, lube and a light change of clothes. Seal them in good quality ziplock bags to keep them water proof.
Need to pick up free condoms and lube sachets? Drop by our office.
Make sure you have a light meal before going to the party, do not go with an empty stomach if you intend to have alcohol. If you are going to have sex, take note what food give you the runs, so you are in your top form.
Here is a list of hotlines in case of an accident or emergency.
Local hospitals –
24 hr helpline for illicit drugs related issues and emergencies –
Telephone: +66(0) 828112686
http://www.na-thailand.org/
If your condom broke or was exposed to HIV –
Go to any emergency centre and ask for P.E.P (What is P.E.P?) or visit the Thai Red cross on Ratchadamri Road.
The Thai Red Cross AIDS Research Centre
104 Ratchadamri Road, Pathumwan,
Bangkok 10330
Tel: +66 2 256 4107 – 09
Fax: +66 2 254 7577
E-mail: aids@trcarc.org
http://www.trcarc.org
In the world full of homophobia and discrimination, growing up gay can be the hardest thing to conquer for some of us. The combination of punitive laws, the lack of better understanding due to ignorance and a spiral of silence, gay men have been systematically excluded from accessing services and enjoying the same equal rights that majority of the citizens are entitled too. In a society that has little tolerance of our love, it becomes difficult to maintain a long healthy relationship.
The lack of positive role models of gay couples in the public sphere that provides hope and life lessons for successful, lasting relationships, where gay men can mirror or reflect on. As men, the society and media expects us to be masculine and be responsible for our family too. We are also conditioned to not exhibit any weakness or emotions, thus the vicious cycle of expectation and conditioning further affects many gay men’s self esteem too.
Yet, through all of these, many couples have created their own blue-print for a healthy long term relationship, sure any relationships comes with its own fights and bickering, but they have found ways to cope, stay together, support each other and grow their lives together.
Here is GayHealth.sg’s top 10 characteristics for a successful relationship. It doesn’t mean it is suitable for everyone, but this is a good starting point. Build on your own list and share with us in the comments.
1. They shared similar interests and outlooks.
Similar does not equate to being the same. We’ve found that successful couples share relatively similar (yet different) interests e.g. love to travel, but doing different things while traveling is an example. It doesn’t mean every interests have to be the same or else it’s boring. Bring your own interests into the relationship.
2. They communicate openly.
Not just about the day to day subjects but also openly about sex, including the different kinds of sex, sex outside of the relationship and what each expect form the relationship.
3. They have a supportive network of family and friends who honour their relationship.
Continue to keep your friends and family close even in a relationship. Too many people fail to acknowledge the importance of their support network and stops all contact with their friends. Friends are also a great sounding board, that provides a different views when you a conflict arise with you and your partner.
4. They have a balanced lifestyle that comprises of both individual and couple identities.
Me time. You don’t have to do everything together. Keep some of your lifestyle with your friends and family also.
5. They have fun with life and try not to take things so seriously.
Do laugh at each often and always remember don’t take things seriously.
6. They enjoy a sensual and sexual camaraderie that helps them to meet their erotic potential.
Just because you are together it doesn’t mean your sex life should die. Help each other fulfill the fantasies by communicating openly and trying various positions and sex toys like dolls (for more info, click here).
7. They know how to manage conflicts.
Don’t fight over little things!!!! Listen and offer support when needed AND always take your partner’s side when he needs you.
8. They are comfortable with their sexuality and not afraid to show it.
Once you come out as openly gay, the rest will follow. Some people who came out said that they don’t need to worry about it and focus on other things in life. This is all depend on you and when you/partner is ready.
9. Have positive outlook and energy.
I don’t need to say more about this.
10. Don’t take each other for granted.
Nothing last forever even your long term partner. Keep in mind that we have our own personal live and that we also share with someone. Don’t take anyone for granted!
If you are unsure about your relationship, then you need to talk to your partner and see where you two can work out the minor/major issues. Remember, you need to find people who connect with you and want to be with you. It’s a long journey so enjoy every minute of it.
Once again, this list isn’t exhaustive and may not be suitable for everyone, but this is a good starting point. Share with us what worked and what didn’t in the comments below. Remember to share too!!!
